Ok so I admit it. Once in awhile if no ones around and I am doing some mundane task like folding laundry I will watch The Maury Show (Maury Povich). I am more of an Oprah viewer…maybe even Dr. Phil from time to time. But I can’t watch Maury when the kids are around (even the big kids)

I see now from the last few times I’ve watched it’s all about the lie detector test. Some person comes on the show to find out on TV and in front of an audience of jumping baboons (you thought I was going to say orangutans didn’t you???) if their husband is cheating, or if “you are NOT the father” of some poor kid sitting back stage. And if they did cheat or the DNA does not match they start swinging at each other and “bleep” “bleep” “bleeping” each other (there’s so much bleeping that I don’t know what they are saying half the time). And if the tests prove that that the Baby Mama didn’t cheat and Doofus is the father, they hug and skip off the show hand in hand. Really? So you have that little faith in Baby Mama that you would bring her all the way to NYC to find out if she’s a “ho” which she probably is and then you are all good with Maury’s results and can go on with your life? Ok then.

And the commercials? I get depressed watching them. Are you a loser? Do you sit home all day watching TV? (are they talking to me??? I am just sitting for a minute while I fold clothes!!) then come to this school and then you can get a job. What about the “male enhancement” commercial? I swear it had a guy dressed as Santa at his office Christmas party…none of the office hootches wanted to sit on Santa’s lap, apparently because he had ED. When he took the magic pill…they were lined up to sit on Santa’s lap…”cause he had “something” for them. Again can’t make this stuff up. “Is that a candy cane Santa or are you just happy to see me?” (OK no, they didn’t say that. I made that part up)

So why do I watch this? Other than to “LOL” (which I was) at idiotic commercials you would never see on the major networks? I don’t know. To make myself feel better that I know who my kid’s father is? To compare my life to their insane lives and come away feeling pretty good about what I got? Or is it more like an accident that you just have to look at when you drive by? I guess maybe a little of both. I gotta give Maury props though. He is going to be 71 years old…and he looks dam good (especially in comparison to some of his guests) and he’s laughing all the way to the bank.