Thursday, August 5, 2010

PostHeaderIcon Jenn: It takes a Village

I had planned to write all about my visit to the GYNO yesterday - but turned on the news and my focused was changed - lucky you!

If you were watching the Today Show this morning, there was a debate going on about stay-at-home moms vs. working moms and an article that was written titled "Yes I'm Home, No I can't pick up your child," which ran in the  Wall Street Journal yesterday.

 The article was basically saying that stay-at-home parents are asked to do more than working parents.  They are asked to pick up children and volunteer and be more involved because it is assumed they have more time.  Even if they work from home, there seems to be this idea that they have free time to pick up others children and run their errands.  The article also focused on saying NO - and knowing when it is too much or what you really want to be involved in.

As a stay-at-home Mom and formerly a working-mom I am well-schooled on this subject.. I have been on both sides.  There is nothing harder and easier than being a working mom.  Dropping off your kids, missing them through-out the day, especially when they are babies, can be heart wrenching.  Picking them up from daycare at 6:00 and then having to go home and make dinner, do baths and get everyone off to bed is exhausting.  Somewhere  between coming home and bedtime - you have to fit in homework, grocery shopping, house cleaning and laundry.  You spend your weekends doing all the errands you couldn't do during the week.  On the up side, the house is cleaner because the kids aren't home to make a mess.  Everyone pitches in more because mom isn't there to do it.  Kids seem to be a bit more independent - well because they have to be.  There is more money in the checking account.

Staying at home gives you so much and also takes so much.  You get to spend time with your children. To not worry about what they are doing all day at daycare. To be their entertainment morning , noon and night.  You have to try to figure out how to clean the house and do the laundry with a toddler in tow undoing everything you have just done.  You have to take the kids to the grocery store with you.  You have to have play dates and spend hours at the playground or other peoples houses.  You have to be involved in school - PTA, Class Mom, volunteer because you can - because you are home.  It is hard to say no.  Your children want to see you at the Mother's Day plant sale or the Christmas boutique.  They expect you to be around - and as they get older and maybe you don't get home before the bus, they will be calling you demanding to know where you are because they expect you to be home with a smile and cookies in your hand - they are used to it by now.

The end result is it takes a village.  It takes working parents and non-working parents and friends and family to raise our children.  It takes cooperation and loyalty and good friends to help out when needed.  It is a give and take.  You need to have people you can rely on to help out with your kids and you need to return the favor.  The most important thing in this debate is the children - and what kind of adults we are raising them to be.

Back to that GYNO appointment - why would anyone, ever, want to be a gyno?  'nough said.

Cara's two cents: Great post today pal.  I recently just told someone that I am done making excuses to people why I am a SAHM. I no longer feel the need to do that. Like I have said before we are all on the same team. We should act like it.


Molly said...

I caught the end of that debate this morning, I agree with your post wholeheartedly!

Rosanne said...

I agree totally. The "you are so lucky to be home" comments are great too. Everyone realizes the sacrifices that a "working mom" makes but it takes sacrifices to be "lucky" enough to be home as well. There are luxuries that are given up in able to be there with cookies in hand at 3:00, even if it's worth it.

msprimadonna67 said...

I work outside the home. Sometimes, I ask another working mom to pinch-hit for me. Sometimes, I ask a stay at home mom. Sometimes, I'm the one picking up or dropping off for the work-outside-the-home-mom or the stay-at-home mom. It doesn't matter to me. What does matter, to my friends and to myself, is that we all need a little help sometimes, and when we are able, we have each others' backs without question. When we're not able, we all understand, because we all know that everyone's out there meeting the needs of their families the best way that they can. At home or no, we all only have 24 hours in a day and 30 hours of responsibility. Without a village, it just can't be done!

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