Monday, November 17, 2014

PostHeaderIcon Cara: Guest Blogger: Diva with life lessons sometimes learned the very hard way...

Haven't had a Guest Blogger in forever. (Says the one who hasn't been blogging faithfully as of late.) She and I seem to be on the same page this week so I asked if she wanted to write about it because like me, writing is healing for her. As a mom you want to take away any pain your child feels. It never ever stops. Even when they are real adults. And even as a real adult child when you're in pain you just want to come home. So even though her blog makes me sad, I am happy about two things. That she knows home is where her heart is and there she is safe and loved no matter, what no matter when even at 11:00 on a Sunday night. And that she gets it at 21 years old. Her mom is 47 and has just started to figure it all out. So some more points to ponder and reminders of how precious our time is. 

Why do bad things happen to the most amazing people?

On Friday, as I curled my hair, and picked out my heels for a complimentary happy hour that I had won, only worried about the free drinks I was about to get for 2 hours, and forgetting the "stress" that was taking over my life with my senior year responsibilities dawning upon me, I turned my phone on silent to "get away from everyone" who apparently were too much for me handle when I had hair to curl, and jewelry to pick out. 

In that time, I received 4 missed calls from my friend, half of the duo who have been my surrogate big sisters for the last 7 years, calling to tell me earth shattering news. Our other friend's brother had been in a car accident. Our other friend's brother was dead. If I could explain the blow that I felt in my chest when I heard those words, I would. But there is no way to articulate the pain I felt for my dear dear friend in that moment. 

Things have been hectic in my life lately, decisions with men have left me sort of confused as to who I am and what I want. Senioritis has been the constant battle, and difficulties with friends have left me with anxiety that I never had to deal with previously. But there is one thing I know. I am lucky. I have family who is present and strong, and friends who are absolutely incredible people, the top of that list being my sweet friend who has been dealt this terrible, unfair, absolutely unfathomable challenge. 

What do you say? What do you do? How do you help someone who has never ceased to be able to help you? Someone who has truly been a testament of Gods work on earth in your life. I can't even make sense of how if there is a higher power, he could let this happen to someone like her, to a family like hers, to a brother like hers. 

It's been two whole days of contemplating this, and I can't even come up with a beginning of the answers to these questions, because I don't think there is one. 
But I will get myself together, get on that train, and get home to my friend. To my town, who despite its disadvantages, loves and cherishes its people, and will come together tonight to mourn the loss of one of our own. One who graduated from our high school, rode his bike down to our beach, and ate at our diner. One who loved his family, his friends, and his fiancĂ©. Who, despite his challenges, remained an incredible big brother to my friend, who beamed with pride at the person she is, and loved his little brother with all he had. 

I'll hug my little brothers a little tighter when I see them, as its heart breaking to think of something ever taking them away from me. Unfathomable of thinking about going on with my life without them there. I'll appreciate my friend for the strong woman that she is, but console the grieving sister that she has been reduced to during this time. 

I'll catch up with those we have lost touch with from our high school years, brought together by the love with have for this family, and for our darling friend. 

I'll play my piano, and visit my church, hoping to find the strength in God and music, to give my friend what she cannot give herself right now. 

And I'll appreciate my life, my family, my friends, and the fact that it can be taken away at any moment. 

So why do bad things happen to the most amazing people? I still don't know, don't think I ever will. But my mother always tells me, everything happens for a reason. There has to be a silver lining to the pain people are forced to feel, the loss they have to carry. I can only hope that they find peace, and love in their lives until they can find that reason. 


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