Not me, my clothes…did the season swap yesterday in the closet. No matter where I have lived I hate my closet. Some day I am going to make a spectacular closet! I know someone who made their kids’ old room a walk in closet. Now that’s a closet! I think most women except before mentioned Closet-Room Woman and Carrie Bradshaw’s closet that Big made for her are not happy with their closet.

I have a walk in closet. But inside the closet door is this huge silver-worm-on-steroids-looking-tube-thingie that is part of the central air system. So technically it’s not a walk in. It’s more like a “kinda turn sideways a little and get in”. The light has a pull chain that is too short for me to reach unless I stand on my toes. I leave the light on all the time. Hubby hates that. Too bad. Get me a new light.

So I hate the closet. But I hate doing the clothes too. Takes me way too long, and add in 100 interruptions and phone calls forget it; we are talking all day here. I did take my mother’s advice though. (again unsolicited but welcome) I put all my winter clothes on hangers and hung them backward on the poles. And when I wore something and washed it and hung it back up I would hang it the right way. This way when it came time to swap out winter for spring and summer…the clothes that were still hanging backward were clothes I hadn’t worn all winter. Pretty smart, right? So in my logical mind I thought well I will just take all that stuff and put it in the good will bag and call it a day. Not quite.

Some things were no-brainers. I mean seriously did I really think last year, when I hung it backward on the hanger, I was going to wear the over-sized denim shirt that came with interchangeable collars for the season. Oh yes, a pumpkin one, a turkey one, a snowflake one…you get it. Who the hell wears that???? I think I bought it in all honesty, when Sam was like five. (have I mentioned I am planning her Sweet 16?) I must have thought it would be cute to wear pumpkin picking or to a class party? Well I am many things now but “cute” is not one of them. And it took a backward hanger for me to realize that? Or the way too big, (and not because I have lost weight it was huge when I bought it), aqua be-dazzled top? Where the hell did I wear that? I know I do not have any pictures of me in it so either I came to my senses and hid when the cameras came out or I chickened out wore something black that day instead. And it was probably time to throw away that linen sleeveless dress. I took it out and thought “it looks like a muumuu.” (yes that is how you spell it, I looked it up) That was on account of that it was one. I think anything that has a label that says “InDueTime~Maternity” is probably one for the good-will bag. Ain’t nothing coming “in due time” to this house anymore except maybe my husband.

Some things were harder. The “just five more pounds and I will feel comfortable in it” things. The “if I wear four layers of Spanx that would make my eyeballs hang from their sockets but dam it would look good” things. The “I loved when I bought them in hopes they would look better on me when I got home from the store” things.

Now my closet looks empty. I hate that. But why is it comforting to know that there’s stuffed jammed in there that you haven’t worn in years? I don’t know. I should feel good making room for new things and passing them along to someone who may need them. I fold up the clothes that are going out and think about who will wear them and hope they will make someone happy…be-dazzled and all.