Thursday, November 5, 2009
Jenn: Anger Management
Posted by
Cara
I rarely get angry - sure I get annoyed sometimes, irritated, maybe even a little pissed off. But Angry is not something I do. I tend to let things slide - not take it too personally - try to make it better... even sweep it under the rug if I have too - I really don't like to be angry. Right now I am angry. I am mad. I am pissed off. I am D. All of the Above.
I probably don't have a right to feel such rage. But it is sitting there. Ready to explode. Now I know you want to know what has made be so angry - and you will laugh when you find out - Thanksgiving. I am mad over Thanksgiving which is supposed to be about being thankful and I know I will get there. But right now I am Angry. I have a beautiful new home. I want to show it off. I want my family HERE.
My brother has decided he will host Thanksgiving at his tiny, tiny apartment. We suffered through it last year with kids bored out of their minds - no place to go - no place to sit. I am not doing it ever again. His family is him and his wife - sometimes her parents. I am 5 plus our parents who live near me. So we are 7 and last year I gave in and went into the city - but I am not doing it again. We had 17 stuffed into an 800 sq foot apartment. It was not fun. My sister is also a city dweller - I don't know where her loyalties lay yet. But here is how I see it - Our parents are old. They do not like to travel. My Dad likes to sit in a chair and watch football on Thanksgiving. I have three children - who should not be cooped up in an apartment on Thanksgiving but should be able to play outside with their cousins. Or go and play in their rooms or just have room to move. I am not going anywhere for Thanksgiving or Christmas or Easter for that matter. I am staying home in my beautiful house and enjoying the holidays with whoever decides to show up. And it will be lovely and decorated and everything I want it to be - except my parents will be upset because my brother is not here - and if my sister decides not to come it will be that much worse.
And so it begins - all the joy that the Holidays bring...the family fights, the disappointments, the arguing and the anger - don't you just LOVE the holidays?
Cara's two cents: Fa la la la la...as the saying goes you can choose your friends but not your family...Stay home. Make turkey. Start playing Christmas Carols. That's my vote!
I probably don't have a right to feel such rage. But it is sitting there. Ready to explode. Now I know you want to know what has made be so angry - and you will laugh when you find out - Thanksgiving. I am mad over Thanksgiving which is supposed to be about being thankful and I know I will get there. But right now I am Angry. I have a beautiful new home. I want to show it off. I want my family HERE.
My brother has decided he will host Thanksgiving at his tiny, tiny apartment. We suffered through it last year with kids bored out of their minds - no place to go - no place to sit. I am not doing it ever again. His family is him and his wife - sometimes her parents. I am 5 plus our parents who live near me. So we are 7 and last year I gave in and went into the city - but I am not doing it again. We had 17 stuffed into an 800 sq foot apartment. It was not fun. My sister is also a city dweller - I don't know where her loyalties lay yet. But here is how I see it - Our parents are old. They do not like to travel. My Dad likes to sit in a chair and watch football on Thanksgiving. I have three children - who should not be cooped up in an apartment on Thanksgiving but should be able to play outside with their cousins. Or go and play in their rooms or just have room to move. I am not going anywhere for Thanksgiving or Christmas or Easter for that matter. I am staying home in my beautiful house and enjoying the holidays with whoever decides to show up. And it will be lovely and decorated and everything I want it to be - except my parents will be upset because my brother is not here - and if my sister decides not to come it will be that much worse.
And so it begins - all the joy that the Holidays bring...the family fights, the disappointments, the arguing and the anger - don't you just LOVE the holidays?
Cara's two cents: Fa la la la la...as the saying goes you can choose your friends but not your family...Stay home. Make turkey. Start playing Christmas Carols. That's my vote!
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6 comments:
Here's a thought I posted on FB today: "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Words of wisdom from a 7-year old. Good thought as we get close to the holiday season.
It really is too bad holidays always are so stressful! It seems like everyone I know deals with holiday power struggles. As much as I love having all of our family close, sometimes it would be much easier if it we lived across the country!
I decided when I had my first son that I would control what we do on Holidays. I come from a dysfunctional family therefore there was always drama.
Thanksgiving is not important to me so I go to Conn to my SIL's big house ( makes sense when there are lots of people) I provide all appetizers, chips dip and salad) I am one of the few that are ON TIME :) so I can be trusted with food that has to be there LOL!
Christmas I do an Open House. I do dinner Christmas Eve -- anyone can come but we do Midnight Mass, don't care who is here, that's what we do. Christmas day we go nowhere.. NO WHERE! We have an open house. Anyone can come, anytime, drop in drop out fine.
Then 2 weeks after Christmas I host a delayed Christmas. This really works because then no one has to make those hard choices. They can do what the want to to on the actual Holiday, because we have a pretend one at my place 2 weeks later! The only thing that is HORRIBLE about that is I have to keep the decorations up which I hate!
I don't know, I think you are totally right it makes sense and sometimes you just have to say, "This is what we are doing" and let others do their thing.
I say at least it is your extended family you're fighting with. The first couple of years of marriage, I was fighting with my husband over how we should spend the holidays. Now we are on the same page. Holidays area about our immediate family first. After that we can discuss extended families.
I agree with you- I would be staying home as well. After explaining why to your brother, maybe he'll agree to join you at your house.
As I love to say, "Whoever don't come don't have to go home."
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