Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Cara: Content is OK
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Cara 
I was trying to come up with word to describe the way I have been feeling lately. Happy seemed to cliche, too vague. Besides happiness is reaction to what's going on around you or a reaction to something that happened in your life. So nothing notably exciting or momentous has happened lately. So what am I then? I have decided that "content" is a perfect description.
You can look content up in the dictionary and it would say things like: satisfied with the way things are or peace of mind. But to me it's more like a "feeling". I don't like being "satisfied" with the way things are. That sounds too much to me like "you get what you get and you don't get upset". That may apply to what color lollipop you pull out of the bag but not to my life, thanks. Peace of mind is fleeting. There's always someone or something on my mind, so I am not sure there's ever total peace. But this feeling of contentment, had come over me twice this week.
If I had to describe content I would try to like this....the other day I was dropping something off to my son at his lacrosse camp. I was walking alone so I was quiet...alone with my thoughts you could say. The day was perfect. The most beautiful blue sky, a cool (not cold not hot) breeze and shining sun. I looked up and without thinking said out loud "what a beautiful day" (no one heard me otherwise I would be crazy lady not content lady) took a deep breath and just got this feeling. Nothing spectacular about the day...just lacrosse camp at the High school...same old kids, same old parents and coaches. Same old same old. Nothing exciting on my calendar for the rest of the day.
Another moment, I was in my backyard. I truly believe what Dorothy said "If I ever go looking for my heart's desire I'll never go any further than my own back yard". And I don't usually. My yard is one of my favorite places to be but, I usually look at it through skeptical eyes. I need to build this here or plant that there, or change this or change that. But that day I just sat. Again another perfect day. Same as the day before, maybe even nicer? Again that feeling...deep breath in, deep breath out...and almost chills up and down my arms. I know by now you are thinking... crazy lady. I usually don't like to try and explain things like this for fear of being the crazy lady. And sometimes the superstitious part of me doesn't like to tell the universe that all is right with my world, for fear that the universe will say Oh yeah? Take that!" and knock me down.
I am starting to think that it's ok to be content. And act like you are content. And not find something to bitch about every day. And find your good place and stay there as long as you want. I will never be Suzy Sunshine walking around throwing rose petals, pumping sunshine and buttterflies out of my back side. Anyone who is like that all the time either is too young to know better yet, full of crap or needs medication.
And while there are things that I still aspire to be, to have or to do, I am content. I like it, and I am sticking with that for now. Or until something makes me NUTS and I here sit at my keyboard typing furiously.
Try content for awhile. It's nice.
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1 comments:
Love it :)
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