Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Cara: Out of Touch
Posted by
Cara
I recently learned a lesson the hard way. I learned that you can't let the day to day keep you from keeping in touch with people you love.
I have a very dear friend with whom I have been friends with for going on 22 years. (wow! I just realized how long we've been friends I never figured it out until just now). We became friends at work. We sat near each other in our cubicles. We ate lunch together every day. We talked about everything that was going on in our lives the way you end up doing with people you work closely with. At one point in our lives we probably spent more time together than with anyone else because of our job. She was at my wedding. We had our first born babies within 2 days of each other. Do you know how cool it was to talk to my buddy from my hospital bed holding my newborn while she did the exact same thing? Yeah it was very cool. We have been there for each other for many happy and sad times over the years. We saw each other all the time since our kids (our 2nd born were two months apart by the way) played together we got to "play" together all the time. It was such an easy friendship. We shared so many of the same values, and thoughts. So how it came to be that the last few years we haven't seen much of each other I don't know.
We don't live as close as we once did even if it is only about 30 minutes away. My older two are the same age as her two. But then I went and snuck another one in and she didn't. So I guess our lives had taken different paths for a time while I was stuck in babyland. There was NEVER a bad word between us in all the years we have been friends. So there was no fight. No misunderstanding. No hurt feelings. Just life.
Kids, school, work, families. Life. The every day craziness that is most everyone's life. So maybe a few weeks turned into a month...then turned into a few months. No time to meet for lunch, so maybe just a long phone call now and again to catch up. A birthday card, a Christmas card. An invitation to a big life event like a communion or a Sweet 16. Those few months pass without even noticing. Until you realize it's her 25th wedding anniversary. You remember cause it's the day after yours. So you send her a funny text about being married forever and getting old. Then you get a voicemail back a few hours later that we need to "talk" there's so much to talk about. Then you have a sinking feeling. You find out in the few months since you spoke (and really you would think four months in the span of a 20something year old friendship is not that long...but it is....too long.) that she lost a beloved family member. Her cancer came back and she had a double mastectomy. Yes, you can imagine how I felt. Horrified. Ashamed. Guilty. Sad. When I think what could have happened and I wasn't there...that is just too much for me.
Really it was no ones fault. Life got in the way. She was sick. I was having a crappy summer with my own life issues. We got caught up in it all.
We all know we aren't supposed to do that. We are supposed to know what and who are important. We aren't supposed to let one day run into the next without looking up and smelling the roses. Carpe diem and all that crap. But we do get caught up. Caught up in nonsense. And we know we need to make that call. And we will when we have a minute. When we can talk without getting interrupted. Then that minute never comes around. But we need to make that minute happen.
I learned that the hard way this time. Hopefully I did learn. Hopefully I won't let that happen again.
I can't make up for those lost months. But I can make sure we never go so long again. No matter what is going on in these crazy lives of ours. Today it's tuna and chicken salad sandwiches. Easy. Talking about everything and anything for hours on end. Being ourselves...being friends. Making up for lost time. Is there someone you need to talk to? Make the time. Make the move. Don't look up after it's too late.
I have a very dear friend with whom I have been friends with for going on 22 years. (wow! I just realized how long we've been friends I never figured it out until just now). We became friends at work. We sat near each other in our cubicles. We ate lunch together every day. We talked about everything that was going on in our lives the way you end up doing with people you work closely with. At one point in our lives we probably spent more time together than with anyone else because of our job. She was at my wedding. We had our first born babies within 2 days of each other. Do you know how cool it was to talk to my buddy from my hospital bed holding my newborn while she did the exact same thing? Yeah it was very cool. We have been there for each other for many happy and sad times over the years. We saw each other all the time since our kids (our 2nd born were two months apart by the way) played together we got to "play" together all the time. It was such an easy friendship. We shared so many of the same values, and thoughts. So how it came to be that the last few years we haven't seen much of each other I don't know.
We don't live as close as we once did even if it is only about 30 minutes away. My older two are the same age as her two. But then I went and snuck another one in and she didn't. So I guess our lives had taken different paths for a time while I was stuck in babyland. There was NEVER a bad word between us in all the years we have been friends. So there was no fight. No misunderstanding. No hurt feelings. Just life.
Kids, school, work, families. Life. The every day craziness that is most everyone's life. So maybe a few weeks turned into a month...then turned into a few months. No time to meet for lunch, so maybe just a long phone call now and again to catch up. A birthday card, a Christmas card. An invitation to a big life event like a communion or a Sweet 16. Those few months pass without even noticing. Until you realize it's her 25th wedding anniversary. You remember cause it's the day after yours. So you send her a funny text about being married forever and getting old. Then you get a voicemail back a few hours later that we need to "talk" there's so much to talk about. Then you have a sinking feeling. You find out in the few months since you spoke (and really you would think four months in the span of a 20something year old friendship is not that long...but it is....too long.) that she lost a beloved family member. Her cancer came back and she had a double mastectomy. Yes, you can imagine how I felt. Horrified. Ashamed. Guilty. Sad. When I think what could have happened and I wasn't there...that is just too much for me.
Really it was no ones fault. Life got in the way. She was sick. I was having a crappy summer with my own life issues. We got caught up in it all.
We all know we aren't supposed to do that. We are supposed to know what and who are important. We aren't supposed to let one day run into the next without looking up and smelling the roses. Carpe diem and all that crap. But we do get caught up. Caught up in nonsense. And we know we need to make that call. And we will when we have a minute. When we can talk without getting interrupted. Then that minute never comes around. But we need to make that minute happen.
I learned that the hard way this time. Hopefully I did learn. Hopefully I won't let that happen again.
I can't make up for those lost months. But I can make sure we never go so long again. No matter what is going on in these crazy lives of ours. Today it's tuna and chicken salad sandwiches. Easy. Talking about everything and anything for hours on end. Being ourselves...being friends. Making up for lost time. Is there someone you need to talk to? Make the time. Make the move. Don't look up after it's too late.
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