Wednesday, January 26, 2011

PostHeaderIcon Cara: Mayberry Gone Wild

Yes, Jenn I am going there. C'mon, did you really think I wouldn't? It's too good to pass up. Besides my last post was cranky and I wouldn't want people the think I am cranky all the time.

OK, so I wrote about the Hookah Bar comes to Mayberry a few months back. (Side note: it's still there...I never seen anyone go in or out...but I hear they have a belly dancer... wtf?) As if that's not enough, later on we had a "city-esque" waxing place open up on Main Street. That's fine. Whatever. I am not paying 3x what the nail place charges to have my eyebrows waxed though. (Even if the girl at the nail place ends up waxing what turns out to be my whole face when I go in for a little maintenance, which in turn leads me to believe I have been walking around looking like Abraham Lincoln...but I digress) I even found it amusing when they had their sign outside for the week long special on "Backs, Cracks and Sacs" (I cannot make this up) But their latest special takes the cake.

I do pride myself on being relatively hip for a 40something year old mother of three. I know the words to most pop songs. on the radio even if they make my 15 year old son cringe when I sing them in the car. I try not to wear "mom" clothes all the time. Was it not I, that explained what the Po-Po was to my other 40something friend? Seriously. But this one slipped by me. Apparently I live under a rock, but I was in the dark when it comes to Vagazzling.

Yes, you read that right. And yes it means what you think it means. There's the Bedazzler. You can buy one and bedazzle your t-shirts, jeans. Vagazzling means in a nutshell Bedazzling your vajayjay. Good grief. Now I have heard everything. And people are getting their vajayjay's bedazzled on Main Street????

You can Google it yourself to get a visual, but seriously. But if you are of the faint of heart, picture crystal jewels semi-glued (on the outside) in any pattern you would like. Butterfly, peace sign, flower (no pun intended).... Hmmm. Yeah, no thanks. I simply don't get it. Do you drop your pants and show your friends like you do a new tattoo? Unless there's a pole and lots of dollar bills where you work, I don't get it.

And in case Vajazzling is not for you there's always Betty Dye.  Brown, auburn, purple, pink, red, green, blue, blonde, and orange.  And while we are at it how about a stencil? Custom shaped hearts (for your lover?),stars (if you take it out at night?), money sign(for the money shot obviously), a bow tie(for formal events?), lighting bolt (I have no idea...) etc...WHAT???????????????????????? Why?????????????

I know I am old but seriously??? And while we are at it again, who the hell does this for a living? I am not sure I could get out of bed in the morning if my day was going to consist of vajayjay adorning. Really. When I die, if there's a bedazzler and a line of vajaysjays waiting for me....I'll know which way I went.

Jenn's two cents:  I think you are very interested in this whole vajazaling business since I brought it to your attention...just sayin'. 

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