Monday, August 1, 2011

PostHeaderIcon Cara: Hindsight

They say hindsight is 20/20. That's true. But sometimes maybe you shouldn't look back.

This weekend we had a graduation party of someone from our old block. A kid that grew up running through my house, swimming in my pool and playing kickball in the street with my kids. All my old neighbors (who I am still very good friends with most and friendly still with the rest) were there. We had a great night reminiscing and catching up. I know some are still annoyed with us because we moved. It really wasn't personal. It was time for us to move on. But we try not to talk about "that".

My old house always stands there looking at me whenever I am over there for something. I always quietly say "hi house" when I get there (quietly cause everyone will think I'm nuts....OK well now you do...). This time my house sits empty. The people that bought it from me I can't stand so it always bugged me that they were in it. Then they moved and rented it to a family that my old neighbors said were nice. So that made me feel better, even if they didn't take care of my $9 million tree that we painstakingly pruned to perfection. Even if they have gnomes (YUCK!!!!) all over the yard. That's a matter of no taste, but at least they were nice. But now they moved. So not only is my house (I know it's not my house...really, but ask anyone in the neighborhood who's house it is? They will tell you...Cara's) in desperate need of curb appeal but it's lonely. Ugh. Am I a sap or what???

My hindsight mistake was going over there and snooping around. I couldn't resist. I should have. But we went over and went in the backyard. Everything is gone. My flowerbeds, my deck, my trees. The grass is crap, and they planted soldiers of 18 ft border trees around the whole property like a fortress. My $9million tree is dug up and gone, nothing left but a gaping hole. Ditto for my beautiful fig tree. Inside (of course I looked in the doubted for a moment?) is empty and sad. The only thing that looks like I was ever there was my brand new kitchen that I left for them. I loved my kitchen.

Then my (old) next door neighbor came running over and said "I was getting ready to go over to the party looked out my kitchen window and saw you in the yard! It made me so happy!!" (no one liked the new people either another thing that left me sad about leaving was leaving my friends with jerks as neighbors) I lost it. I knew I was sad about it all...but I burst out crying. True, Aunt Flo made a surprise visit the next day but still.  I should have never went back. Now all that is in my memory instead of the house I left.

I hope those memories go away because I want my good memories of the house I left back in my head. My kitchen, my last baby's room all cute and torturously stenciled with love, my little den with the pot bellied stove. My "ball" tree, my fig tree with a zillion figs every year. I know these are all things. the memories we made there can't be taken away. I can't touch them but I will have them forever.

I hope my house isn't lonely for long. I hope someone sees the potential it once had and loves it like I did. I don't care if they paint the living room chartreuse (ok maybe I would care a little) but just as long as they love it. I won't be back over there for awhile. I can't. In this case, hindsight just stinks.


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