Tuesday, March 6, 2012

PostHeaderIcon Jenn: Lions & Tigers & Bears...

Lately I have been feeling a bit like Dorothy walking through those dark & scary woods.  Anxiously waiting for the Wicked Witch to come and steal my ruby slippers as I try to make my way to the Emerald City.  The trees are pelting me with apples, the monkeys are swooping in and I am trying to just take a walk dammit.

Life is good - I know that.  I have a lovely family & home.  We are all healthy.  I don't have that much too worry about but its the small stuff that your not supposed to sweat that keeps me up at night.  How do you not sweat the small stuff?  The endless cleaning & laundry & running of a house, the dog being sick, the book report due, kids fighting...

I don't know if anyone's life is easy.  I am beginning to think probably not.  Maybe some of us are wired to react differently than others.  I over react.  Every time.  I know that and I am working on it.  The opposite of overreacting though is underacting.  Finding the balance is the hard part.  Doing the right thing is the hard part. How are you supposed to know what that right thing is at each and every moment?  I think back on decisions I have made in the past that I regret - and life isn't supposed to be full of regrets.  I think what if...I did it this way or that way instead.  I am tired of the every day is a new day bullshit - it's not, because what is happening today is a direct result of what you did yesterday and the day before.  Now I am guilty of over analyzing every decision I make from what's for dinner to which vet to take the sick dog too. Do I take her to the less expensive vet? The better vet? Do I do everything I can to save her life even if financially it makes no sense? Let the heart rule the head (and the pocketbook for that matter.)

Doing my best is what I am striving for - but sometimes its hard to know what is your best? Do you give in and just let things go because its easier? Do you fight for what you want? Do you just try to survive each day? 

Each day, in the midst of all this chaos that my life has become, I need to stop and think - this ain't nothin' sister - it could be so much worse. I am not fighting to save my life or my home or faced with sick kids or recovery from a horrendous accident. As bad as my day may have been - there are so many out there whose days are so much worse. I guess my everyday is just that...everyday life -you get what you give and you work with what you have. 

 Quieter days are ahead - I know that - and some part of me thinks I might even miss all this craziness that keeps me going day after day...then again maybe not. 

Cara's two cents: Oh my! One of those days...I refer you to the duck. Calm on top of the water but paddling like hell underneath. Keep paddling!!!

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