Friday, November 18, 2011
Cara: Taking a bow
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Cara 
He told me as I was washing dishes..."Oh and don't bother throwing sparkles all over my room..just leave the money under the pillow." OK enough with the trying to make me squirm ('cause now I was).
I played around with him for a little bit. "Sparkles? That was fairy dust! Where would I get fairy dust from?" Michael's. (smart ass) "Besides you think I just have money laying around to put under your pillow in the middle of the night?" Daddy does and yes, of course you would. (smart ass, again)
He is going through a phase lately where he always needs to be right and will fight you to the death to prove it. (and no I don't know where he gets that from and he'd better stop). I was not about to debate the dam Tooth Fairy. So I conceded. I thought maybe he would cut me some slack on the guy in the red suit. No chance.
"And Mom while we are at it, I know." You know what? Oh I forgot you know everything. "I know about Santa". Ugh. That.
Now I could have told him he was wrong and that if he didn't believe he wouldn't get any presents. I could probably have stretched it to get through this year. Although, with him on to me I would have had to really work double time to sneak around this year, and to be honest it's getting exhausting. So we talked about it. We talked about the magic of Christmas and how I still always feel it. (and you're old.) He said he was OK with it, and he's not a little kid. That was until bedtime. The witching hour.
He said he felt weird now (so did I). He was afraid Christmas would never be the same (me too). He started to tear up. (so did I) I guess I thought I was OK with it too. I have said out loud before that I am over doing Santa I have been doing it for 18 years. And that's true. But I still will miss him. So I reassured him (and myself) that although it will be a little different that "moment" on Christmas morning it will still be special. We do Christmas big. (not quantity...quality) We always will. Big kids still do not know what they are getting exactly. They may pick out a small thing or two that I make them save for Christmas. But there are always surprises. (the elves are always listening) I told him now how he has "come over to the other side" and had to help pass along the magic to Santa to other little kids. And someday he will get to be Santa to his own kids and that that's even better than being the kid. He knows he cannot share his new found knowledge. Even if his friends still believe, he can't ruin it for them.
"What if they are in Middle School?"
"Well, then you can so they don't get picked on, on the bus."
So, as with past deep bedtime conversations he went to sleep feeling better. I went to bed and cried. I was surprised at myself. I knew it was coming. I somewhat welcomed it. So what the heck was my problem?
It hit me while I was watching Regis Philbin on his second to last day on LIVE yesterday morning. I like Regis. I don't love him. We actually "had words" on the corner of a NYC street many, many moons ago when I went to see his show. So he has kinda bugged me ever since. But nevertheless I sat there crying watching the show. I don't watch LIVE everyday. Somedays, the winter mostly, or waiting somewhere like the nail salon or the doctor's office. So it's not like I won't be able to start my day because he is not sitting there drinking coffee on my tv. But I liked knowing he was there if I wanted to drop in. I liked knowing Santa was there watching and eating my Christmas cookies.
It's not so much the change that gets me. It's the ending of something good. Great, even in regards to the Big Guy. It's the saying goodbye. I don't like to say goodbye. Change is OK, cause usually works out. It's the ending...the goodbye that gets me.
My dad once said to me "I am not going to say goodbye, I will just say see you later." I like that. So see you later Reeeg.(he will never go away he will live to 150 and still be doing TD Bank commercials) See you later Santa. And I will....someday when my kids have kids and I get to help them do it all over again.
Tonight we are having movie night. We will sit on our new relciner that much to his joy, we both fit in together and watch "Polar Express". I will take it. Next year I doubt he will fit.
'Til then Kris Kringle...I will miss you this year.
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1 comments:
I am so sorry that this chapter has come to end for you but knowing you, you will find other magic to make in your house. Until then, I have little believers here if you still feel the need to mess with someone's head. Oh can I borrow that elf, just in case the doubting disease enters the building?
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